Why Trauma Survivors Struggle with Self-Care—And How to Start Prioritizing Yourself

As a therapist, I often hear from trauma survivors who feel like self-care just isn’t for them. 

Maybe they’ve tried and failed to stick with a routine, or they feel guilty for even considering their own needs. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Taking care of yourself after trauma can feel like an uphill battle. But here’s the truth: Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s survival. 

And it’s not about luxury spa days or bubble baths (unless that’s what helps you). It’s about rebuilding safety, trust, and compassion for yourself.

Let’s talk about why self-care can be so hard for trauma survivors—and how to take small, manageable steps toward healing.

Why Self-Care Feels Impossible After Trauma

Many people think of self-care as simple: Eat well, get enough sleep, exercise, and set boundaries. But if you’ve experienced trauma, these basic acts of care can feel uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or even unsafe.

Here are some common struggles I see:

1. Feeling Undeserving of Care

Trauma, especially from childhood or abusive relationships, can leave deep emotional scars. Many survivors internalize blame or feel like their needs don’t matter. If you’ve been told (directly or indirectly) that your feelings are “too much” or that you should just “get over it,” self-care can feel like an undeserved luxury.

💬 You might think:

• “I don’t deserve to rest.”

• “Other people have it worse.”

• “I should be able to handle this on my own.”

📌 Try this: Instead of forcing yourself to believe you deserve self-care right away, start by reminding yourself: “Taking care of myself helps me show up better for the people I love.”

2. The Body Feels Unsafe

Trauma isn’t just a memory—it lives in the body. Many survivors experience dissociation (feeling disconnected from their body) or physical discomfort when they try to relax. Practices like deep breathing, yoga, or even a simple stretch can trigger anxiety instead of relief.

💬 You might feel:

• Restless or “on edge” when trying to relax.

• Uncomfortable in your own skin.

• Numb or detached from your body.

📌 Try this: Instead of jumping into traditional relaxation techniques, start with grounding exercises—like holding an object with texture, tapping your fingers together, or focusing on the feeling of your feet on the ground.

3. Guilt Around Rest and Pleasure

Survivors often feel guilty when they aren’t being “productive.” If you grew up in a household where love was conditional on achievement, or if your trauma involved control and punishment, doing something enjoyable might feel wrong.

💬 You might think:

• “I should be doing something useful instead.”

• “I don’t have time to rest.”

• “It’s selfish to focus on myself.”

📌 Try this: Start small. Give yourself 5 minutes a day to do something enjoyable—listen to a song, sit outside, drink a cup of tea—without guilt.

4. Fear of Vulnerability

Trauma survivors often develop hyper-independence as a coping mechanism. If you’ve been let down by people before, asking for help or admitting you need care might feel terrifying.

💬 You might think:

• “I can’t rely on anyone but myself.”

• “If I let my guard down, I’ll get hurt again.”

• “Needing help means I’m weak.”

📌 Try this: Instead of jumping into deep vulnerability, start with small acts of self-kindness. Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to a close friend.

Building a Self-Care Routine That Feels Safe

Self-care doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Start with small, gentle steps that feel doable.

1. Safety First

Before anything else, focus on creating a sense of safety.

This might mean:

• Establishing a calming bedtime routine.

• Keeping a comforting object nearby.

• Practicing “containment” techniques—like visualizing your worries being placed in a box until you’re ready to process them.

2. Listen to Your Body

Instead of forcing yourself into uncomfortable self-care practices, try body-based strategies that feel grounding:

• Press your feet firmly into the floor.

• Hold a warm cup of tea or coffee.

• Take slow, deep breaths, focusing on the exhale.

3. Reframe Self-Care as Survival

Self-care isn’t indulgent—it’s necessary for regaining control over your life.

• Drinking water, eating nourishing food, and getting rest help your brain function better.

• Movement and mindfulness can help reduce anxiety and bring you back to the present.

• Setting boundaries allows you to protect your energy.

4. Start Small—And Be Gentle With Yourself

You don’t have to “fix” everything overnight. Pick one small act of self-care each day. And if you miss a day? That’s okay. Healing isn’t linear.

You’re Not Alone—And You Deserve Support

If self-care feels overwhelming or impossible, you don’t have to do it alone. 

Therapy can help you navigate trauma, rebuild self-trust, and create a life that feels safe and fulfilling.

At MCC, we specialize in helping trauma survivors take back their lives—one step at a time.

If you’re in the Raleigh-Durham area and need support, we’re here to help.

📅 Schedule a consultation today—because healing starts with one small step.